Dear Ones –
Yesterday was a doozy. And truthfully I don’t think he actually yelled, but it was about as close to yelling as he comes. My husband is one of those mild-mannered nice guys that everybody loves and is super easy to get along with. He rarely expresses his anger/frustration with me so it takes a lot of button pushing to get him there.
Remember in my last post how I was talking about that elusive peace that I was looking for in my home…yeah, it all started with that search. Between Tuesday and last night I hadn’t had much sleep combined with two little boys who didn’t think they needed that much either. Top it off that my house has been looking a bit pitiful and I was feeling overwhelmed. Then of course there is the whole somewhat irrational pregnancy emotions and you got quite a time bomb ticking. Oh, and did I mention the pregnancy sciatica has started to kick in. Ugg. Not to be complaining, just trying to set the stage. All of these things are actually quite manageable, but I needed some sleep.
So, after an exhausting almost two hours of trying to get the kids down for a nap I came downstairs to look at a messy living room, messy kitchen, dinner waiting to be cooked and frustration mounting. All I wanted to do was lay down and go to sleep. Sadly, instead of trading my frustration to God for something (anything would have been better at this point) I started wielding it like a sword at my husband (as if it was all his fault I was in this place). I threw open the dishwasher door and pulled the clean dishes out and then began slamming the dirty ones in. (It must be noted that hubs had pretty much just walked in the door and had no idea what a nightmare he was walking into.) This was one of those times where thinking of a Proverbs thirty-one woman was just making me angry. I mean honestly, it reads like she was never hurting or exhausted or ever had a bad day. And her perfectness was getting to me. I refused to look at the sign I posted in my kitchen with quotes from Ann Voscamp about being thankful. I wanted to be grumpy and I wanted to take it out on somebody. (Ever been there?)
As I was ranting and raving about how tired and in pain I was and how much there was for me to do he looked at me with anguished eyes. He was seeing my pain and wanting to fix things. He kept asking me to just lay down and rest. he kept telling me I needed to. I kept saying “I can’t.” What in the world was I thinking? Seriously, I am such a martyr. I was making all the to-dos more important than finding a few moments of peace and rest for myself. I was making my pain (and imagined injustice) into this shrine that all others must bow down and worship at.
Finally, he had had enough. He put his foot down. He told me to get my butt over to the couch and LAY DOWN. Then he said the food I had started could wait until tomorrow and we were going out to eat when the one sleeping child woke up. Finally he said he was going to clean up the living room and I better not lift a finger. I can’t, I whined and then he pulled the baby card. GO LAY DOWN FOR THE BABY. YOU ARE PREGNANT. YOU NEED TO REST. (Well, wives as you all know sometimes we actually NEED to listen to our husbands. As in NEED. They want what’s best for us and they actually care about us.)
Needless to say I obeyed. Within 20 minutes my back felt much better and so did my state of mind. Then came the hard part…the apology. Once again I recognized that I had been this person I did not want to be. I was yucky and mean. My loving husband readily forgave me. He said that sometimes the baby card just has to be pulled out and I need to take care of us.
He was right and I am grateful. We took our kids out to dinner at a place where we had a free meal and it was wonderful. No mess for me to clean up and God’s grace helping our kids stay well-behaved. What a blessing I have in my husband.
Ladies, I would just like to encourage you to allow your husbands to care for you. Don’t be the martyr in your home. (You are really just being the fool.) Ask for help when you need it. (Most men just don’t see the things we see, but will happily help out when asked to in a loving and gracious manner…i.e. DON’T NAG.) Let yourself rest when you are worn out. (When you rest you renew your tanks and can accomplish so much more.) Finally, let the service you do for your family be a service to God as well. He really will be a cleft for you to find safety and security. Lesson relearned for me. Thank God that His mercies are new every morning.
Feeling Even More Miraculously Blessed Than Usual,