Minding My Miracles

~ and finding new mercies every morning

Archive for the tag “monumental”

Monumental part ONE

The theater was fairly quiet as we all gathered into our seats.  No one coming really knew what to expect. We were here for many different reasons.  Perhaps because all of us want to be assured simply that “we are not alone.”  As I stood holding baby boy waiting for the usual movie-time treats to arrive I reflected on what had come before.

This day hadn’t gone quite as planned.  First of all things had been so busy that a shower hadn’t happened until much later than I desired.  The boys were a bit whiney and didn’t really care to take their naps.  Which is never exciting for mama, but especially on the days when that nap time is so needed.  Finally nap time had come.  I just need 10 minutes to myself I thought.  But of course then came a phone call I couldn’t turn away followed by baby boy waking up needing mama again and really leaving me no options of time to prepare or relax.  But then Daddy came home and Mama hightailed it into the shower.  (I have never been one of those girls who spends hours getting ready for a date, but even so only having 15-20 minutes makes me a little sad.)

When I returned from my shower I found the oldest boy snuggled up with his daddy watching a show.  And then came the dilemma, do we wake up middle boy since it is the end of nap-time or do we let him sleep longer since he fell asleep so late.  It was decided that he should continue to sleep until Mama was ready.    Middle brother can be the sweetest angel or the scariest monster depending on his mood.  Because he likes things a certain way and it isn’t always a way that makes sense to the rest of us sometimes doing the simple things with him can be so time-consuming.  And today was not destined to be any different.

Since my mom had agreed to watch the boys for this date it was not such an urgency to have the boys just so before we left.  A diaper did need to be changed though.  So, with only 5 minutes before we were to leave we began the process.  This was not enough time and I knew it.

We are going through what I hope is a phase with middle brother that is waging war on my heart.  Before I had kids I had no idea what a strong-willed child was.  And once I had firstborn I still didn’t know. I assumed that strong-willed children were firstborn children.  And then our firstborn was so relatively easy that I believed we’d dodged the bullet.  Oh, how wrong I was.  Firstborn arrived on his due date of all things which I guess is pretty rare.  As a little one he was mostly compliant and his desire to help and please was and is a delight to me.  Now don’t get me wrong, he is far from perfect.  We go through things with him all the time and now that he has two other brothers he doesn’t get everything he wants and there can be issues with that.  Overall though he is easy-peasy-lemon-squeezy as he is willing to bend in the long run.

Mr. Number 2 is anything but easy.  His name means Fair Warrior and he certainly is.  It often seems like most things he does comes with a war.  He carries this picture in his mind of how things should be and to deviate from that path would bring about the end of the world as he knows it.  Oh, how I wish I could see that picture.  It would make life so much smoother, because I honestly cannot understand why things must be just so sometimes.  I really don’t even know if strong will is strong enough to describe him.  I so don’t want to look at everything I do with this boy as being a battle and that is a prayer I often pray – that God would help me to see things in another way.  I know God has great things for this boy – the boy who can charm the skin off a snake and then turn around and eat it for dinner.

Back to the story –  So, we began mission diaper change.  It was not what he wanted to do at that moment.  (I bend to things with him when I can, but children also need to learn that they cannot always get their way.)  You would have thought that all hell had broken loose the way he lost it.  He certainly wasn’t holding back.  There was kicking and screaming and hitting and yelling and crying to the point of coughing and the sounds of throwing up that by a miracle he managed to keep inside.  When this happens it really breaks me.  I want to hold my baby and give him everything he wants.  I want to understand where the disconnect is coming from so I can soothe the upset and make everything alright again.  In the same moment sometimes I just want to throw him out the window.  I hate that I feel that way.  I love him so much, but sometimes when he hurts me I am really hurt and the negative side of me has a desire to react.  And in fact this night I did react, not with physical actions, but with words.  I spoke words over my son that I will never get back.  I have though them before, but I have never spoken them.  I called him a  brat.  Oh, I would give anything to take that word back.  My children are not brats.  I hate describing them in any negative way especially to them.  My hearts’ desire is to only speak life over my children and here I said that.  That was the end of it for me.  I was lost for a time.  My mom said to just go, she would handle him.  I didn’t want to leave.  I didn’t want to make anyone have to deal with that and I didn’t want to leave my little boy in the place that we were at.  But, we were running late (according to my time…which is a different clock then my husband runs on, but that’s another story) and we had to go.  I held this weeping boy (who by the way hadn’t even heard the words I’d said he was yelling so loud) and told him I loved him and would see him later.

We got into the car with #3 who was pretty upset from all the noise and was adding his own chorus to our night.  I did not want to go.  I wasn’t in the mood to be happy and try to pretend everything was alright.  We almost turned back, but husband wanted to go so bad and it has been months and months since we saw a movie that I was torn in wanting to go for him.  Plus, we weren’t going to see just any old movie.  This was a live event that we wouldn’t have the opportunity to see again in the theater…at least at this time. (I really hope that changes, but more to come on that.)

As we pulled into the movie theater parking lot there was a lot of wisdom to be seen.  I kept looking for people our age, hoping that maybe there are others like us.  Truth be told it was a movie playing at 5:30 and most of my working friends aren’t even home from work by that time so I am not that surprised there were so few of us. (I did see a few more come into the room right before things started.)  Fortunately the theater opened a second screen or we would have been out of luck as the movie was sold out even before this day.  And here we are back to where I started this story and I haven’t gotten to the good stuff yet, but this post is long.  Hundreds of words longer than I aim for.  So, I will edit the title and this will be part one of a story I am itching to tell you.  I hope you will join me again to hear about one of the most amazing experiences of my life.

Miraculously Blessed,

Jessica

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Monumental part 2

Just to let you know that you can read this post without reading part 1 which was all about what happened before the event began.  But, if you missed it and want to read that one, click here.  I have to say that I have read a couple of negative blogs about this movie and Kirk Cameron in general. I felt that the overall experience I had of the night was positive.  Of course I run things through my own personal paradigm filter as I believe everyone does.  We all have to settle in our own minds and heart what we personally believe and where we trust our knowledge to come from.  Now, on to the adventure.

Love of my life arrived back at our seats with some traditional movie treats.   We settled into our seats and I busied myself making baby boy happy so we could relax and enjoy the event.  This “movie” we came to see was part of a live event hosted by the creator Kirk Cameron.  The theater lights went out and there we were at his front door…in real time.  Kirk invited us in and introduced us to folks he had gathered there.  Right by his front door were two guys who were from his church I think, that were all set up with guitar’s and microphones.  And we began this night off with worship.  It was beautiful and amazing.  It was exactly what this weary mom needed to soothe my aching soul.  Can’t say that I have ever had a worship time at the movie theater before.  After the worship Kirk introduced and talked with some others – Glenn Beck, Alveda King and his pastor and grandfather.  Then Warren Barfield (did music for Fireproof) played a great song called “Waiting for the Right Time”  that he wrote about getting married.  (It was about the fact that if you spend your whole life focused on getting to the “right time” then you’re going to miss the right time as it flies right by, not just in regards to marriage, but many big things in life.)  It was fun to see all this and he certainly set as atmosphere for what was to come.

I honestly had no real idea what to expect.  I had only seen one preview and don’t think I was paying that close of attention to it.  My husband really wanted us to go (which was enough for me) and it was being promoted by people whose opinion and advice I trust, so here we were.  The movie is basically a documentary of Kirk’s search to discover some truth about our history.  He documents his travel beginning in England to discover the roots of America.  Here he learns things about the Pilgrims I do not remember learning in school.  From what he learned it shows even more clearly what God and family meant to these people and what they were willing to sacrifice to see truth and freedom in their lives and the lives of those they loved.  After learning about our forefathers he next travels to learn about our founding fathers.  In the past years I have been learning more about our founding fathers and I was a bit more familiar with what he learned here although I do not believe that most Americans would be.  It seems that we have so often taken our history for granted.  It’s like we need to say to ourselves every morning “Wake-up, history repeats itself.  Know your history.”  Why are we so lax about the past?  We need to care.  If we do not know the foundations of our history, it can easily be destroyed, disfigured or lost.  And if we lose the foundations of who we are then we crumble.  How can we appreciate and understand the sacrifice of those who have come before us and are among us now if we don’t care enough to spend the time it takes to know it.  How can we expect true freedom if things are being swept under the rug and all we do is shrug and believe that we can’t do anything about it?  This is an area I want to address in the next few blogs or so.

Kirk too was looking at the “signs of the times” and very concerned about what’s happening.  He said he had talked to other’s in his church who have said that these things are signs of the last days and there is nothing he can do so that’s that.  Kirk wasn’t satisfied with that and frankly neither am I.  He  spoke of his children and the hopes and dreams he has for them.  He had come to the decision that standing by and letting things crumble wasn’t good enough for him.  He wanted a different solution.  He needed to become a different solution.  I totally agreed.  I too want to be a different solution.  It’s time we really dug deep and began to understand our history.  We need to know who we are and how we got here.  It needs to be more than a passing fancy.  It needs to become woven into the fabric of who each of us are individually so it can’t be stolen from us.

I want to tell you so much more about the movie, but I really feel it’s something you need to see for yourself.  I don’t want to leave you full of preconceived ideas.  I want you to go as open as I went.  But, to get it near you, you have to demand the movie. You may not be as impacted as I was, but maybe, just maybe you’ll hear the alarm bell go off in your head and say…this is something I need to know…this is something my children need to know.

As for me and my house, we want the truth.  Not the pretty picture, not the ugly lie, just the truth no matter how it looks.  We want to understand America and why we are who we are today.  If you’re interested in learning more about this please go and see Monumental and tell me if you did.  I would love to hear what you thought.  We don’t have to think alike.  We don’t have to respond the same.  I want us all to have the freedom to choose what we believe and I want to know what you believe and why.  I believe that it’s the freedom to be different that makes us truly America.  Tell me, is this the story you know?

Miraculously Blessed,

Jessica

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